justin bieber has never looked like a lesbian

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Remember that one time when it was COOL and HILARIOUS to compare Justin Bieber to lesbians because he TOTALLY has the same haircut?!  Oh wait, people still do that?  Right. Anyway, I feel like in the wake of this non-stop campaign against bullying I should address an issue right under our noses, something that may not seem like bullying, but actually is. In fact, I feel like it’s my duty to defend poor little Justin Bieber and to shame everyone who thinks that this grade A piece of tween hotness looks like a lesbian.

Evidence:

peace up a-town... as in alberta, canadaVintage Justin circa mid-2000s. Does this look like a lesbian to you? UM NO. I mean seriously, the pout, the inverted peace sign, and the backwards hat all say one thing to me: Major Bro, or rather, MBIT -Major Bro In Training. Not to mention that we can clearly see excess baby chub around his facial region. How is that lesbian-like? I thought all lesbians looked like Jillian Michaels!!

the man, the hair, the legendTiger Beat Biebs circa late-2000s. “MOM I DO NOT WANT TO WEAR THAT SWEATER YOU BOUGHT ME FROM PACSUN.” Um, well, see… What we have here is the Biebs in a high school-esque photo shoot channeling a mixture of a Glee cast reject/background character and pre-famous Ryan Seacrest. How is that lesbian?! Wait, don’t answer that.

WHORES? with MY justin bieber?!Someday4evaURgrrrLhawtieshawtie77myspaceBIEBERRLUVRR circa 2011. See? I told you he doesn’t look like a lesbian. For example, the hair, could a lesbian pull off that shaggy-yet-subtly-sexy hairstyle like JBiebs? I don’t think so. Ok, so he does have, like, super defined cheekbones that make me super jealous, but other than that he is ALL MAN. Well, besides the fact that his lips are more pillowy than creepy tween behind him. And that he made a perfume with a flower on top.

Justin Bieber circa a week ago. I CAN EXPLAIN. UM. UHHH. MOTHER OF F BIEBER, WHY MUST YOU MAKE IT SO HARD FOR ME?! WHY, BIEBS, WHY?! WHY MUST YOU LOOK LIKE THE SPITTING IMAGE OF WHAT I IMAGINE A THIRD-WAVE, BRANDEIS UNIVERSITY GENDER AND WOMEN’S STUDIES MAJOR WITH A MINOR IN ART HISTORY, CANDLE WAX MAKING FEMINIST LESBIAN LOOKS LIKE?!

justin at the grammys, circa 2044FUTURE BIEBS AT THE GRAMMYS CIRCA 2044

OH COME ON.

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