the pilgrims came to america… to find the grand canyon… and Michele Bachmann


My roommate and I just took the U.S. citizenship test… AND WE PASSED, FOOLS! One of the questions seriously asked why the pilgrims came to America, and among the answers was this gem: “to find the Grand Canyon.” HELL YES! YEAH THAT’S TOTALLY WHY! …I mean, well, no they didn’t, but you know what, I could potentially see people tripping up on this one. Mainly because the Grand Canyon is kind of a big effing deal. 

So the CNN Tea Party/Republican debate was tonight, with all of our favorite crazies like Michele Bachmann, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich!  Other guests included Ron Paul (bless his smarmy soul), Rick Perry, Jon Huntsman, Herman Cain, and Mitt Romney.

Just when we all thought Michele Bachmann and her craziness might go away (actually no one believed that but just go with me on this), she BRINGS IT BACK -consistency 2012! One of my favorite moments from tonight was when Bachmann tore into Texas Governor Rick Perry and his 2007 executive order mandating that girls in his state be vaccinated against HPV. Here’s what Bachmann said:

To have innocent little 12-year-old girls be forced to have a government injection through an executive order is just flat out wrong. That should never be done. That’s a violation of a liberty interest.

Bachmann then accused Perry of mandating the HPV vaccine for young girls because one of his top staffers was a lobbyist for Merck, the company that manufactured the vaccine. Finally, Bachmann went back to her whole “violation of liberty” spiel, saying:

Well, I’m offended for all the little girls and the parents that didn’t have a choice. That’s what I’m offended for.

OMG this is totally like Sophie’s Choice. Actually I’ve never seen that movie but I feel like it’s a really emotional movie about some kind of a choice, so I’m just going to go out on a limb and compare Michele Bachmann’s rhetoric to that movie. It’s kind of like how she compares herself to John Wayne… Gacy.

But in all seriousness, I think it’s interesting how she talks about the importance of choice for these little girls and their parents, and then she’s all for the restriction of choice for many women. But maybe I’m wrong in thinking that she doesn’t believe in choices for women. I guess I should be a little more clear; she’s all for the choices of young women (and men). Like those little girls subject to being vaccinated, the unborn zygote should have a choice, but definitely not the woman who not only has to carry around a friggin’ watermelon for nine months, but also give birth to one. Yeah, no big deal.

Not to mention that she accused the HPV vaccine as causing “mental retardation.” Yeah. I mean, I don’t like Perry, and he probably mandated the vaccine because his chief of staff was once a lobbyist for the vaccine’s manufacturers, but Bachmann is just driving me insane. Her nonsensical views and “facts” are just so insane and really play into the whole Tea Party movement, that it makes me kind of afraid. I mean, what if she did get the nomination? What if she were to become president?

America. Minnesota. Yikes. Being a proud Minnesotan, sometimes I wonder who in their right minds would EVER vote for Michele Bachmann. And then I worked at a special place the past two summers, the Mall of America. I cannot tell you how many times people from St. Cloud and Blaine (Bachmann’s district) would come in and just make me shake my head. You may ask, “but Amelia, how do you know they’re from the sixth district?” Well, my dear reader(s), I will tell you how. One, I had to ask for their phone numbers. Two, because Bath and Body Works really stresses customer connections, I usually had to make small talk with people and one of my go-to questions was to found out where they were from.

Now, I’m not trying to say that I’m better than these people or anything, we’re all citizens of a pretty great country. As corny as that sounds, I truly believe it and I know that not one person is better than the other, believe me, my parents have taught me that lesson. Mom and dad put me in my place before when I complained about working at Abercrombie Kids, saying, “ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE SO DUMB. THEY ALL GO TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE. THEY THINK I’M SO SMART BECAUSE ONE OF MY TARGET SCHOOLS IS MICHIGAN.” Well, I ended up getting wait listed at Michigan, and my parents ended up giving me a huge lecture on how some people cannot afford to go to college, and that community college is actually a great way to save money. Plus, hey, you’re still continuing your education. As humiliating and long-winded as I thought that speech was then, I’m now really glad they schooled me on higher education and subsequently socioeconomics, among other things. In fact, they have taught me many lessons, but more later.

Anyway, these people at BBW were just plain discriminatory and rude. I remember this one woman who complained about one of my male coworkers working there, and pretty much accused him of being gay (he’s not) and acting like she was totally “weirded out” by the whole predicament. Stupid. This woman asked me, “why is that MAN working here? This place is for WOMEN! Don’t you find that odd? Isn’t that STRANGE?” And I looked at this old bat like the crazy she was (she was wearing sunglasses indoors, yeah, I know) and I said, “well, we do sell men’s products now. I really don’t see the big problem.” She looked at me like I was crazy and suddenly got super defensive, “I MEAN I’M FINE WITH IT. IT’S JUST WEIRD. I’M NOT ACCUSING ANYONE OF ANYTHING BUT IT’S JUST WEIRD.” And she ran out of the store. Yeah.

Ack, politics. They get me pretty heated, I’ll admit.


2 responses »

  1. I would just like you to know… that i stumbled upon your blog when I was attempted to find a picture of a cow with a hat on backwards. The pic of Bieber that you posted popped up… and I clicked on it because it made me laugh and alas… I am here now. Just thought you should be made aware of the fact that people looking for cows with hats on backwards may be stoppin by your blog… especially if they are Bieber fans/haters.

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