embarrassing dreamboats, a history


In honor of Valentine’s Day I have compiled a list of people that I’ve had aching, albeit embarrassing, crushes on.  Yes, I readily admit to crushing on dorks, people you wouldn’t necessarily think of as “attractive,” as well as fictional characters and the like. In fact, the majority of the people I crush on are not your typical “Ashton Kutcher/Zac Efron/Insert popular male actor here” types. I’m not saying that I don’t find Ashton and Zac unattractive, but given the choice, yeah, I might just choose someone else. I have no shame. Well, maybe a little.

But you know what?  Sometimes the best kind of crush is the unsuspecting kind.

Let’s take a journey back…

In 7th grade a movie came out that changed the world.  Ok, maybe not the world, but it sure changed me, and by that I mean I was introduced to Elijah Wood -I was seriously in love with Elijah Wood when he was Frodo in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Back in seventh grade my friend Emily (I have so many friends named Emily) and I would pass notes to each other with our code name EW -even though that’s one of the worst code names ever. Speaking of code names, my friends and I have come up with some of the lamest code names in the history of code names. Guys usually don’t have code names for girls except for “hot roommate” or “sexy redhead.” But us girls are really good at giving obscure nicknames so that boys will never figure out that we like them and are secretly pining over them on a daily basis. Some code names my friends and I have used: Lemonade, Tea Pot, Aaron Burr, Kokoum, and Macaroni. News flash: I AM A LOSER

Clint Eastwood -Have you seen the Chrysler commercial? Or Gran Torino for that matter? Seriously, Clint Eastwood is THE MAN. Everything about him screams BAMF. Plus, he makes really great movies (ok maybe not J. Edgar), and his friendship with Morgan Freeman is too cute.  And for the record, yes, I would totally take the current Eastwood over the young Eastwood any day.

Ed Helms/The Nard Dog -Ed Helms/Andy Bernard is not unattractive, but I really don’t know a lot of people who are like, “TOP OF MY LIST, ED HELMS!!”  I would choose him over People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, and Helms’ Hangover I & II costar, Bradley Cooper. I’m going to say it, Ed Helms is sexier than Bradley Cooper. Why? Because he’s so adorable with his little bow ties and his entire preppy wardrobe. Plus, he’s hilarious. Not only as Andy Bernard on The Office, but also when he worked as a correspondent on The Daily Show.

Levar Burton -Yes, the Reading Rainbow guy. He’s good with kids, okay? Plus, he’s devoted to literacy and has one of the greatest tweets in recent history, regarding the Sandusky case: “Now might be an appropriate time for us to re-evaluate the importance we place on both collegiate and pro sports in this culture!” So profound and swoon-worthy. Plus, have you seen him in Roots? Hottie.

Haley Joel Osment -This was when he was in The Sixth Sense and A.I. Remember, I was in sixth grade at the time and I hadn’t experienced too many celebrity crushes. Granted, this crush lasted a few years, around the time Secondhand Lions came out (I still have a note saved from a friend who drew a picture of us going to the movie and watching HJO on the big screen). I just remember thinking he was so cute and that he was my age! Yay! That was a big draw. I also remember my dad remarking on how he could play a mentally challenged person because “he has that look” -Thanks dad.

Well, I think that’s about it. Thanks for sticking with me through this, and more importantly, thanks for understanding the randomness of these crushes. Here’s a little young Brando for your time-

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