Tag Archives: twilight is dumb

what your mail says about you

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Have you ever seen that episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon gets her new neighbor’s mail? Jon Hamm stars as the hottest, most perfect neighbor of all time, Dr. Drew Baird. Liz decides to snoop through his mail and finds herself becoming infatuated with a man who subscribes to “all the movie channels, including Starz,” and has a membership in the cheese of the month club.

Let’s face it, a lot of the time we judge other people by what they like and what they will pay for. Admit it, you’ve snooped through the magazines lying around your friend’s apartment. It’s okay, I do it too. Perhaps you go to their bookshelf or look to see what Netflix DVDs came in the mail. Again, we all do it.

Well, now I’ve compiled a list of different things that people pay for and what these items probably mean about them.

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i hate twilight

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I hate Twilight.

I once tried to read the first book in the series, aptly named Twilight, and I literally couldn’t finish it because it was so poorly written. Seriously, the way Stephenie Meyer (yes, she actually spells Stephanie like that; if I was her I would change it) writes is comparable to the kind of fan fiction you find online that is written by some overdramatic teen girl who likes dangly earrings because she thinks they make her look sophisticated.

I’m actually offended that my sister loves the Twilight series. I was even more offended when she compared them to HARRY POTTER. Seriously, I cannot.

Here’s the thing. In HP4 GoF (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, google it), Robert Pattinson played Cedric Diggory -hottie wizard, overachiever, Hufflepuff’s greatest and only accomplishment. I remember watching GoF and fanning myself because he was so good looking. Let’s revisit:

Oh dear goodness.

When I heard he was going to be cast as Edward Cullen, the hottest vampire ever, I was excited regardless that it was a dumb book because I thought RPattz was hot enough to overlook that detail. Ha. Oh how wrong I was.

Seriously? This is the best you can do? He is pale and weird and sparkly and just all-around not cute. Damn.

But thankfully Water for Elephants decided to come out and we were given this:

Much better. He now has a better haircut, is tan, and most of all, he’s not a sparkly, possessive vampire.